Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] The next time you have a strong emotional reaction to something, ask yourself these three questions. What just happened? Describe the situation without adding emotion, just the facts. For example, my friend rescheduled our plans last minute. Then ask yourself how did it feel in that moment? This is when you add the emotions and you name them. Frustrated, rejected, invisible, etc. My friend rescheduled our plans last minute. I felt abandoned and unimportant. And number three, ask yourself where have I felt this before? Look for a pattern in your past experiences. My friend rescheduled our plans last minute. I felt abandoned and unimportant. As a child, I often felt like my needs weren't prioritized. One of the best ways to identify your triggers is to self reflect and these three questions will help you do it every single time. Whenever you're expanding emotional reaction and you're wondering like where did this come from? Or why it's affecting you so much, walk through these three questions to identify what's triggering you.
[00:00:48] Have you ever had a moment where something small set you off and you had no idea why? Maybe someone interrupted you and you felt disrespected? Or when a friend cancels plan, you feel abandoned. You're not overreacting. These are your triggers at work for years I would get extremely defensive whenever someone question my decisions. Even if they meant well, I still felt attacked. It wasn't until I did some self work that I realized this was a trigger from growing up and constantly being criticized for the way that I thought. And for whatever reason my brain associated being questioned with not feeling good enough. Today we're bringing down what triggers are, why they happen, and how you can start identifying and managing them so they don't control your emotions and reactions. A trigger is anything that causes a strong emotional reaction. Usually because it reminds you of a past experience, even if you don't consciously realize it. So someone interrupting you as an everyday trigger and it might stem from feeling unheard as a child. A friend taking hours to text back is an everyday trigger and that can stem from past abandonment issues. A co worker criticizing your work is an everyday trigger and it might stem from deep seated fear of failure or not being good enough. Triggers happen because our brain creates associations from past experiences to protect us. And there are brains way of saying hey, this is familiar, you were hurt before so let's react strongly so it doesn't happen again. Everyone has triggers is not just a select few people who get them but but it is up to you to identify, manage and heal them so that they don't control your life, the best way to identify your triggers is with self reflection. The next time you have a strong emotional reaction to something, ask yourself these three questions. What just happened? Describe the situation without adding emotion, just the facts. For example, my friend rescheduled our plans last minute. Then ask yourself, how did it feel in that moment? This is when you add the emotions and you name them. Frustrated, rejected, invisible, etc. My friend rescheduled our plans last minute. I felt abandoned and unimportant. And number three, ask yourself, where have I felt this before? Look for a pattern in your past experiences. My friend rescheduled our plans last minute. I felt abandoned and unimportant as a child. Often felt like my needs weren't prioritized. If you recognize a trigger happening, you could use these three questions to explore it in that moment or later on that day. But you could also take some time to think about the last time you had a strong emotional reaction. What was the situation? How did you feel? And when was the first time you remember feeling this way? This journal prompt will help you dive a little bit deeper to uncover your biggest triggers and get to the root of them. And I know you're probably wondering, like, how do I know if something is a trigger or a normal emotional reaction? If your emotions feel more intense than what the situation is calling for, then it probably is a trigger and not just a normal reaction. If you feel a fight, flight, freeze, or form response, then it's probably a trigger and not a normal emotional reaction. Another sign is a trigger is if it reminds you of a past wound, even if you don't realize it immediately, then it's most likely a trigger. A normal emotional reaction looks like you feel like you're disrespected and you react into that. But if you get an intense feeling in your chest and your heart is beating fast or you freeze, then that's not a normal reaction reaction. If you respond to someone disrespecting you, like, hold up, wait a minute. That's a normal emotional reaction because you recognize you being disrespect if you're not about to play with me, but if you're, you know, ready to go, like, then that's a trigger. And don't confuse triggers with weaknesses because they're not. They're clues to where you need healing. The more you recognize them, the more control you have over your emotional reactions. So there are multiple ways that you can manage and heal your triggers. I'm gonna share the top three that have worked best for me, starting with Number one, pausing and naming it instead of reacting immediately, I take a breath and I tell myself I'm feeling triggered right now. This is bringing up something deeper. For example, I had a coworker that loved to make jokes and I never found them funny. But instead of snapping, I would pause and ask myself, why is this bothering me so much? It was never about the jokes, but what the jokes insinuated. One thing I used to hate what he would say or anybody really would say is you know how Keena is because what do you mean by that? I recognize that that was one of my triggers because I've been an individual all my life and people don't like when you can walk alone and do things by yourself. So whenever someone says that, it always just feels like someone is going against my authenticity and my individuality. But I would have never known that had I not self reflected and actually looked into it anytime it comes up. The second way you can manage and heal your triggers is to ground yourself in the present. There are a couple ways you can do this. The 543-21-method listing five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. There's my favorite, deep belly breathing, probably because of yoga. Inhaling for four, holding for four and exhaling for four. I feel like this one calms me down the fastest and the easiest. And sometimes we're holding a breath and we just need to let it go. Another grounding technique would be to hold something ice cold water, something textured, or a piece of clothing like your shirt. Grounding yourself in the present conda brings you back to reality, if you will, and it allows you to recognize that you are being triggered because you've taken a moment to get out of that fight or flight response. The third way to manage and heal your triggers is to reframe the story. I like to ask myself, is this situation actually dangerous or is my brain just reacting reacting to past pain? And this could look like when a coworker criticizes your work. Instead of spiraling into I'm not good enough or I'm terrible at my job, reframe it as this is just feedback. It doesn't define my worth. This is probably one of the biggest habs to heal and manage your triggers because we will always be triggered by something. But as long as you reframe it to something positive, you don't allow it to control you. It's not as consuming as it was and ultimately no one can use it against you in the future. There are some really bad people in this world that will recognize that something bothers you. Like a coworker, for example, who knows that you get squeamish and will use that against you just because they can. But the moment you start to reframe your story, they no longer have that power of you and you no longer give them consent to whether you're actually consenting to it or not. Always, always, always practice self compassion instead of judgment. Instead of saying, ugh, why am I so sensitive? Try it makes sense that I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I'm safe now. This could look like if you're feeling rejected because a friend is taking some of the text back, remind yourself your worth isn't defined by somebody else's response time. And lastly, to manage and heal your triggers, think long term. Pretty much everything that I've mentioned has been something that you could do in a moment. But if your triggers are feeling overwhelming, therapy and coaching is definitely the way to go. Allow a professional to support you on this journey. Remember, triggers are emotional reactions tied to past wounds. Identifying them helps you gain control over your emotions instead of reacting impulsively. And managing your triggers involves self awareness, grounding techniques and self compassion. You're not broken and your reactions are not irrational. Every trigger is an invitation to heal. The more you understand yourself, the more peace and control you have over your life. After you're done watching this, feel free to pull out a notebook or your notes app and write about a recent trigger. What happened? How did it feel and where? Have you felt this before? If you need help working through this, you can DM me on Instagram or leave a comment. We are at the end of this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know by giving it a big thumbs up, sharing this with a friend and leaving any thoughts in the comments. We are still in phase one getting to know yourself. Make sure you go check out the link playlist and I'll see you in the next episode.
